12th Entry

This is going to be a short entry...

I'm in bad shape. Where do I start?

First of all, last night was a mess. Lulls and I were together, laying next to each other, when she abruptly slipped out of bed and left. I was worried for her, and well... to be honest, I was afraid to fall asleep. I can't stop dreaming about Thuggee and theAdvocate... I'm freaking out about it.

Anyways, I climbed out of bed, slipped on some jeans over my boxers and followed her. This is a little bit awkward to be posting on the internet... but... At least I don't sleep completely naked like some guys.

I followed her down the hall and into the kitchen, and watched as she was harassed by some pig from MASC. I know it probably wasn't the smartest thing, but he ended up calling her fat and I just couldn't hold myself back. I posted about how angry I was... now this unsuspecting MASC sicko was experiencing it first hand.

I tapped him on the shoulder, getting his attention. Then, the fists started flying. It was pretty crazy how fast it was over... I guess all that working out from before theAdvocate kidnapped me really has improved the effectiveness of my hand-to-hand combat training.

I took Lullaby to her room, but leaving the MASC agent in the kitchen. There'd be huge consequences for what I did, and I was still pretty steamed so I told Lullaby that I was going to go for a walk and... I made a huge mistake.

Walking shirtless was only part of my stupidity. I was so angry, I lost track of how far I was walking and... This is where things get bad.

He was in the woods with me. I had wandered too far outside of the mansion's wards... Whatever Mystery had done to protect the mansion from him and his servants, I had stepped out from under the umbrella of protection.

I saw him, and I knew... I knew that whatever force had lured me out to the woods, whatever anger had pumped my legs forward had doomed me. I don't know what happened next, but somehow I survived his attack. I... I remember the pain. I blacked out.

Next thing I remember was laying on my back, staring at the stars as blood trickled from my forehead into my eye. I was in the mansion's backyard again. Somehow, I had managed to get back into the shielded area surrounding the mansion.. I... I'm lucky to be alive. I'm still so lucky to be alive. I don't know why I'm alive.

I crawled to the mansion, my body groaning and aching.

I think... I think I have a few broken ribs. My forehead has a gash in it from... from who knows what! I had a branch from a tree piercing my lower thigh... I don't know how I managed to ignore the pain while I dragged myself to the mansion. Let's not even mention the severe bruising on my chest, back and abdominal muscles. I've never seen my skin so discolored...

The most humiliating part is how I passed out a couple feet from the mansion, and I can't remember who or what or how I got back into the mansion.

Lullaby... Lullaby I'm so sorry. I'm an idiot. He got me... He was waiting for me.

Why? WHY? Why does this always happen?

I just woke up a little while ago. Can someone please fill in the blanks for me? Were there any witnesses? Mystery, what's going on outside my room? What's going on with MASC? Why hasn't Lullaby been allowed to visit me? Help... I'm in the dark. Am I under quarantine or something? Is it because I brawled with that agent?

Please.
-DoctorProctor

11th Entry

I'm so moody. I can't figure out how I'm supposed to feel... I'm caught in between the lines of what is real and what is fake. Heck, if I'm not sure if the DAS is real, or if this blog is real, or if Shady or Lullaby or Mystery are real, or if I'm even sitting at a computer in reality... This is my life.

My life is a lie. Slender Man is the only thing that I know, in fact, is not a lie. I'm hurt, and confused, and angry, and sad, and depressed, and excited, and sad, and... filled with an urge to kill. If you follow Mystery's blog, you probably already know about what happened with MASC... The background check... My family is dead. I... don't know what to say. This feeling... hurts. My stomach is flipping. Whenever I think about it, I can't even comprehend the possibility of them being gone... My mom is dead, poisoned. My dad was killed in a car accident... I don't remember any of this happening. How did the Slender Man keep me from finding out...? It was only a week or so ago that I  remember seeing my father's face...I'm still infected. I'm still living in an illusion. I thought I was free... but I'm still seeing life through stained glass. He's still manipulating me like a puppet.

As for theAdvocate, I know it was him. He had to have been the proxy that killed my mom. The report said that someone slipped cyanide into her drink, if I remember correctly. He left his calling card, and... and I'm just finding out about this now. I'm... I'm not a violent person unless I have to be. I don't seek out trouble, but I promise that I am going to kill theAdvocate next time he shows himself.

Which could be sooner than we know. Shady is his new fascination, I'm sure he'll be watching her.

Things are... crazy. I thought things would be different, and I'll admit they are.... but Slender Man is still as much as a pest as he was before. I keep having dreams about my family...and I had a dream last night that really really disturbs me. It was the attack... Thuggee's attack on the mansion. I don't know why I was dreaming about it... but I saw things and... I think I might need to take this to Mystery. She knows more about magic and spirits than I do. Maybe the dreams have some kind of relative importance.

Lullaby is the only person I've been talking much to, recently. Mystery tried to comfort me and make small talk the day I found out about my family...but I've basically kept to myself since then. Everyone seems so busy with MASC that I've tried to keep out of the way. I haven't been able to write very much, lately. I feel wrecked. My eyes hurt, and part of me wants to sleep... but part of me wants to avoid dreaming, and knows that sleeping won't fix the pain I'm feeling. Lullaby has really helped though, she is a comfort... I...

I'm an idiot. I'm slipping up, all of the emotional crap I'm going through his influencing my judgement and it's a little scary. I don't know what I'd do if I wasn't with everyone at the mansion...

How does Slender Man do it? How does he manipulate our lives so brilliantly, without leaving any sign or evidence that can be used against him? It's like... he puppeteers us, and then slips away into the shadows to avoid the public eye. Of course, you have YouTube Channels and videos that claim to have caught him on camera... but it's so hard to know what is real and what isn't.

TheAdvocate is somehow tied to my past. I don't have absolute proof, but I just.... I have a feeling that he's been stalking me my entire life, doing Slender Man's dirty deeds for him. I'm just surprised that he never harassed me until after Shady broke into my house. Does he know about our past? I wonder if he is as in the dark as I am. Its almost humorous... I think Slender Man withholds information from his own followers. What is his game? What does he gain from deceiving his servants as well as his victims?

He's like a freaking anorexic puppeteer (satire).

I don't know if anything I'm doing in this life is real or not... I remember reading somewhere that "when you don't know what is real and what isn't, you should cling to what you know is absolute truth, no matter what it is".

 I'd rather cling to a possible illusion, like Lullaby or this blog, then cling to Slender Man. No matter how concrete he is, I will NEVER cling to that monster for my sanity. That's a total contradiction in itself.

I'm going to try and bring this post to a close soon. When I get angry, I can ramble on and on about something and I don't want to write a novel on accident. I'll finish up by saying a few things:

1. I won't be asking very many questions on this blog in the future... Now that I'm with the DAS, I can usually just ask them directly. If I learn something important from them, I'll post it here for the readers.
2. I intend to start writing about my past life in the next post. I'm sorry its taken so long to get to.
3. If you have any information about theAdvocate or about anything that might be relevant to what I've talked about, I'd appreciate it if you posted it in a comment.
4. Stay alive, and find yourself a group like the DAS to join if you are being openly stalked by the Slender Man or any of his goons.
5. I'll try to be back on this week to make another post.

Until then,
-DoctorProctor

P.S. No matter what MASC says, I will always be (almost) a doctor.

10th Entry

Hey, Readers

I think an update is needed. First off, MASC is investigating my background as we speak. I have trouble believing that the government would even be slightly interested in me... but this group is far from normal. Perhaps they'll find something involving the Slender Man that interests them; as long as I don't have to deal with them breathing down my neck and shoving me around I'm fine with them snooping through my past. Probably not much to find, considering the fact that I was basically a zombie for the first 18 or so years of my life. 

I don't know much about MASC besides what I've heard from the other people at the mansion, which isn't much. I've been really distracted since arriving, so I've kind of been avoiding too much social interaction. Mr. Sunshine, Shady's.... pet... has been giving me the evil eye since I've arrived.. He's been acting super territorial over Shady, it's a little unnerving. I can't tell which is worse; MASC or Sunshine. At least Shady likes Mr. Sunshine. Nobody in the mansion has any good words to say about the government organization. 

Hopefully, this thing with Mr. Sunshine is only temporary. I'm guessing he's just paranoid after all of the crap with Thuggee. 

Right now, I'm just sitting around waiting for things to get rolling. I don't really know what to do... I'll probably walk around the mansion and find something to do. Maybe I can help fix some of the damage from the attack,  if not I guess I could try and spark up a conversation with someone in the mansion. I'll see how all this goes.

Until MASC is done with the background check, I don't know how much liberty I'll have to freely walk around the mansion grounds. Mystery is pretty good at negotiating with them about the restrictions they put on us, but I don't think I wanna push the limits too much.

I'm pretty tired, I'll probably just go to bed if I can't find anything to do. 

Thanks for reading, I'll update again later when my head isn't so foggy.

-DoctorProctor

9th Entry

I... don't know where to start.

I hate you, "Slender Man". I hate you so much... Every time I get my head on straight you throw something at me, you sick monster. Whatever the heck you're supposed to be... I hate everything about you. Every fiber in my being hates you. Part of me wishes you would just kill me and be done with it... I don't know what's worse. Living my life in fear of you or dying by your hand... or whatever you have on the end of your freaking toothpick arms.

Is this the first time I've ever said your name on my blog before? Maybe. It feels good, even though I know it might catch your attention. I'm sick of trying to avoid the bush.

TheAdvocate kidnapped me, if anyone was wondering where I've been. This is the first time I've been able to use the internet in a while. I tried to update my blog from my phone, but the battery died and theAdvocate got me while I had my guard down. All I could do was get out that message to Shady that theAdvocate had shown up at my house.

Speaking of which, I beat him down and chased him out of my freaking house. Twisted little... gah, I hate you too. He hopped out of a window when I started unloading rounds in his direction from the 9mm I keep for emergency situations. Didn't like that very much did you? Haha... partly proud of myself for that. But... I probably should have been worried about the repercussions.

I tried to move out quickly, I started grabbing boxes right away and shoving them into my car. I thought that maybe if I got to my apartment and contacted Shady, I'd be in the clear. I wouldn't have to worry about theAdvocate or any other proxies harassing me. I'd have friends surrounding me, and Mystery has wards set up that keep bad things away... I guess I didn't move fast enough.

I was on the way over to my apartment when something didn't feel right. My sight was hazy and I was starting to doze... I never fall asleep at the wheel. I pulled off the road for a second to stretch my legs, and... well, I was out like a light. I don't remember what happened after I got out of the car.

When I came to, I had been tied up, gagged, and tossed in the backseat of what I think was a mini-van. It was really dark, and I was alone. I couldn't see outside because the windows were covered in duct tape, but I noticed that we were parked...

I noticed the faint smell of blood, and that was when I realized that the seat cushions were stained red. I gagged. I did not want to think about what had gone on inside this evil little van. I heard the trunk door swing open and then... Bam. I forget.

Next thing I remember is waking up in a dark basement, alone. I searched in the darkness for a light switch or for a way out, but it was a fruitless effort. On the bright-side, I ended up finding a medical bag filled with fresh bandages and equipment. Turns out theAdvocate likes to keep a clean ship. Of course, I had my suspicions that this was theAdvocate's basement but I didn't want to jump to conclusions... there are plenty of proxies out there, and who knows how many of them have been stalking me.

I realized it was theAdvocate when I heard him singing from upstairs.

"I love you like a long song, Shady
Oh, I love you like a love song, Shady--"

I couldn't help but laugh. It was so pitiful.

I ignored his singing, and stumbled over a lot of furniture while searching the basement. I found a door while I was looking around... and... I'm not gonna discuss what I found in there over the internet. It was... twisted. TheAdvocate is a psychopath.

After about an hour of searching for a way out, I gave up and crashed on the couch. I don't know how long I slept, but when I woke up I could hear the sounds of another person moving around in the darkness... My first reaction was to grab a surgical knife from the medical bag to defend myself. After a few minutes though, I  realized that I wasn't in any danger... It looked like I wasn't the only "guest" theAdvocate was having today.

I stood up and ended up stepping on a switch in the floor, near one of the legs of the couch. I don't know why the heck the light switch was built into the floor, but I guess I should be glad that I stepped on it. The light's sprang on, and I was momentarily blinded. Then, when my vision cleared I saw her.

Her name was Lullaby... She... I... We talked for a while and... It was nice having someone there to be with. I think she comforted me as much as I tried to comfort her. It... thanks, Lullaby... I...

I used the medical kit that theAdvocate had given me to patch up her wounds, and then...

I don't know what happened. The next day, I just remember waking up in the woods with Lullaby. We started running as soon as we were on our feet. I don't know why but theAdvocate had let us go. I guess we bored him or something. We... It was all so confusing. I don't even know how we found our way to the mansion... we almost got shot by some guys with guns who called themselves MASC, but then Mystery showed up and stopped them.

Now, I'm updating my blog from the mansion.

I... need to think.

I just wanted to make this post so everyone would know that I'm alive.

I'm not even gonna try and talk about how I feel about this Thuggee character...
Until next time,
-DoctorProctor

Shady

The Advocate

8th Entry

Moving.

Moving forward, moving not only into a new house but onto a new path of life. Packing up my stuff, leaving my parents house soon. I never intended to cement myself here like this, but I guess everything happens for a reason. Coming here to stay with my parents... When I lived alone, I was stayed out of my house as much as possible. I kept moving from place to place, blaming it on my A.D.H.D. I had to watch my back all the time, and   I... well I didn't keep friends for long. It was too much of a hassle. They caught on pretty fast to the fact that I'm not normal, and when people started asking questions... It just never resulted in anything good. Now, I've found something more secure. I finally have a group of people who understand what I'm going through, and aren't afraid to fight back against the supernatural evils at work. I don't think I need to even mention how difficult life was when I was alone in this... anyone who has shared my experiences knows what I mean. Life alone, being hunted down by the tall faceless monster... There is no better example of hell.

I locked my own emotions out to survive. I locked my thoughts away, disconnecting myself from it all to survive. Now, I'm finally able to let that all out.

This may sound like ridiculous advice: Please, if you're going through something don't try to survive all by yourself. Find others. By what I hear, this is happening to more people every day. Resist, and reach out for help. Then, when you feel like you can, reach out to help others. Things may start small, but someday you might have a group like the Defenders Against Slenders set up.

Also, knowledge is power. I'm learning a lot about this whole... messy situation. It's funny looking back at myself, all of the stupid things I did that could have gotten me killed. I had such a basic knowledge of what was really going on. All of the dangers. The reality of this...all. It's funny in a horrible way. None of it feels right, but you know that it's the only real thing left. My head hurts trying to figure it out... trying to figure out how to say things. It's one of those things that are just hard to discuss.  My A.D.H.D. doesn't help. And my short term memory loss. I'm assuming both of those symptoms can be blamed on HIM. Sucks.  

I'm curious about a couple of things...

This is happening so much, I'm surprised it hasn't become a national crisis or something. Is there any government involvement in this phenomenon, or are these supernatural disappearances and such still being considered "urban myths"? I couldn't go to the police or any authorities for help when I needed it... What's going on with this? I can't comprehend how HE managed to stay off the grid like he has... I don't know why I'm still uncomfortable about naming him.

Are there any other groups across the world like DAS, or are they the first resistance that has ever been established that we know of?

I've moved up and down this post, trying to figure out what I've forgotten to mention that's been on my mind...

Oh well. I should probably start working towards closing this post.

I'm a poor writer, anyways. I'm not good with words, and I don't quite have the flourish or talent that others do. What I do have is a story to tell, and I'm going to tell it. That's why I started this blog.

Once I've moved into my own apartment and I've got internet access, I'll start writing. That way, I don't have to worry about being interrupted while writing it. Expect another post soon.

Once again, I feel like this ending is abrupt. Maybe it's just me?
-DoctorProctor

7th Entry

(NOTE: I originally wrote this post a couple of weeks ago, but for some reason it didn't save/send or something... So I'm posting it now. I apologize for any messed up time frames)

Hello again, possibly nonexistent readers who may or may not actually believe or care about what I write

Firstly, I wanna apologize for my absence. Like I said in earlier posts, life has been pretty crazy.

So, there's a lot to cover. Every week more and more is piled into my head as I try to figure everything out. It's like as soon as I sit down and figure out what part of my week I'm gonna write about, more gets loaded in and pushes the old stuff out. I guess you catch my drift. Anyways...

I have good news and bad news.

Bad news first...

This... is not something I can write easily. Basically, my mom is in a mental hospital and isn't looking too healthy. Like I had said earlier, crap hit my family like a train and she ended up in the hospital. She's started acting super paranoid and suicidal... and her arms aren't even recognizable anymore. One day, I came home and she was torn up with a bloody knife in her hand, crying in a corner. She won't talk to us, she won't talk to my dad, she won't talk to any of the doctors or the psychiatrist or anyone. It's all so screwed up, I don't know how they got to her. I don't know what set her off, but she got worse as soon as we tried to get her in the hospital. She started thrashing and screaming, and all of this just... totally happened overnight. I've been trying to balance working with other personal stuff, and this blog has been the least of my priorities. I should be back more regularly now, though. I'm trying to figure out if there is anything I can do to help the situation, but honestly I'm just about ready to completely withdraw from my family and avoid all of the chaos. It's really a pain on my mind.

That's what all the crap was with that, I'm still dealing with that but I think it's settled down a bit. I haven't seen any of them following me for a while, so... I guess the mental breakdown was their way of sending me a message.

And now there are lots of  things coming up... lot's of good things. This is the good news part of the post!

The Shady Lady and I have been chatting recently. It's nice having someone in the area who can help me out with this stuff... She's a wealth of knowledge, and I just wanna publicly show my appreciation to her. Hopefully this won't get any of us in trouble or anything...

I've got a job! It's nothing too fabulous, but it's enough for me to rent an apartment closer to... well, I won't name locations. Let's just say, I'm putting myself in a more friendly environment. It'll be nice having people around me who can help me deal with this.

I've been doing a lot of research lately, and I've figured out a great amount of tricks to put into play if I ever encounter one of them again.

On the topic of encounters, I can't tell you how many times I've considered whether or not the encounters could just be hallucinations. I remember when I first started telling people about all of this, before I realized how they would react, the councilors and psychiatrists they'd put me with would always try to convince me that I was just hallucinating/dreaming and that the things I saw were just subconscious images in my head playing like a video across my eyes. There is always a part of me that has doubted what I'm seeing. I'm either sane or insane, the only thing that decides any difference is whose opinion I ask.

If you've gone through/are going through, I advise you to contact the Defenders Against Slenders. The name is a bit silly sounding (no offense, guys) but they really do have some valid information and can offer help.

It seems like I've gotten so distracted by other things since I started this blog, and I've fallen away from my original goals. I think maybe it's time I reset my focus. Next time I post, I'm going to try and get back on track. This is still DoctorProctor's Enigma, and I'm going to tell you about my curious case if it kills me.

Anyways, I need to go. I apologize for the abrupt ending to this post. I will write more later. I need to get some sleep for work tomorrow.

Until then,
-DoctorProctor