Saturday, April 14, 2012

Entry 1?

      I have not been sleeping very well. Is it possible to stop writing? I'm uncertain. I have far from an eternity to record my knowledge concerning the things that creep during the night and often the day as well, how can anyone expect a man to sleep with such responsible laid before him? 
     I could die tomorrow by the hand of Thuggee or some other horror and then what would happen? Would I possess the empty body of the cat that housed me for so long and wait patiently for a new body to come along? I think not, no... If Thuggee has the oppertunity, he will kill my body and consume my spirit... He consumed his lapdog's soul, didn't he? What law of magic says that he can't do the same to me if he finds me. Then what good would I be? 

     I have limited time to write before he tries to eat my essence and I have utilized all of the hours at my disposal for this purpose. I have countless pages of information concerning the movements of the enemy, his methods of sabotage and warfare, his powers and abilities.... his strengths and weaknesses. Very valuable information. The only fault in my work is that it is all quite complex and must be fit together like a puzzle. If you do not read one chapter of instruction, the other chapters will be useless and I am far from completing my writings.

     Time is not on any man or woman's side now. It is purely a game of speed. I must perfect my quick draw...

     So, I have committed to this project and have achieved a great deal in a short amount of time. Mystery, if only you were here... you would love to hear what I have to say. This was your forte, wasn't it? Magic and spells and spirits... I can't wrap my head around any of it. I have the knowledge, but not the understanding. It is... unfortunate. I wonder if it would be different if I had had more time to examine Thuggee's mind? 

     Having lived within the form of a cat for an extended duration of time, I have had a lot of time to consider some things of deep importance to my life. Doctor Proctor's Enigma. After I saw behind the veil of Thuggee's illusions, things started to click and now I've... seen into another world. Figuratively speaking. I believe that it would be completely appropriate for me to begin again with this blog at good old Entry 1 and this time I will examine the curious case from a new perspective. Perspective is funny in a very morbid way, sometimes... 

     My point is, I have been enlightened since leaving my previous body, the body of Casey (Who I still am, but at the same time am not). Though questions still float behind my eyelids, I have answers that I did not have before. I am closer to the solution to the equation... I just have to find x. Knowledge is such a blessing and such a curse!
     However, this is just the beginning. The skeptic in me still battles against all of this, I continue to question everything I have seen and experienced... Needless to say, it is hard for me to trust most things. Is any of this real? Was any of it ever real? I have been deceived far too many times and I have awoken from many dreams within illusions within dream within what might just be reality. Is the ground beneath my feet truly there? Is this all some phase in a bigger plot by a bigger puppet-master than the Slender Man or Thuggee?

     Well, I now have answers to past questions and that is enough. I need not worry myself to insanity about something that I have no control over... If this is all just an elaborately schemed dream, I can do nothing about it. Perhaps someday I will find an unquestionable reality, but that is not my concern as of now. Pondering for too long on such a topic would drive any man insane. Just thinking about it provokes my mind to headaches. 

     Bah, but this new perspective... it changes thing! My past, my present, and my future are all shifting into place within my mind like weights sliding around on a scale. Yet, everything is the same. No matter how many answers I find, no matter how many questions are raised, there will always be the uncertainty of it all. My skeptical thinking refuses to let the paranoia die. All I know is what I know, and if that is real or not... Well, I have to play with the cards I have been dealt. 

     Pardon my rambling. These thoughts, theories, visions... my imagination... it will all be my ultimate curse, my load forever... Too many questions to ask and not enough answers. I will find the answers someday though, if I do not die tomorrow or the day after that.

     My perspective is not the only thing that has been strangely altered. Shady... Shady has changed as well. Friends and enemies alike change. Things have been rearranged...As the weight shifts and the pressure builds, we are all forced to adapt to survive. 

      I can taste the tension in the air, a bitter breeze that threatens to overwhelm my lungs with its sharp flavor. Shady has so much to deal with, and I am of little assistance to her. I wish there was someway I could lighten her load, but my attempts... they are less than helpful. Looking at my track record, though, I doubt there was ever a time that my presence was beneficial. This.... this is one of the driving forces behind my new ambitions. Every scrap of knowledge and information I have locked within my head, if I can record all of it imagine what Shady can do with it. Perhaps in this way I can redeem myself for the horrible things connected to my past.

     I was my greatest enemy and I never realized it. Thuggee used me to infect DeMii with his heir... I feel horrible. I am such an idiot, in this sense. He played on my emotions when I was weak and worried and... now that little girl that I loved so much and the woman who gave me stability and a family... They are both ripped away.

     My daughter is a murdering sociopath and DeMii was her first real kill...

    All of this thinking about Thuggee evokes much concern within me. How much of it... how much of it was Thuggee and how much of it was Doctor Proctor? Am I really who I thought I was? Am I a monster?

     I feel disgusting when I think about these things. I am so uncertain about somethings. Too many questions!

    I should return to my work... I should, but I think I will retire for a little. I can really feel my mind slowly wearing out, I need to recharge my batteries. This body can run for a very long time on very little energy, but I'm starting to crash. I plan to set up a spell tonight that will allow me to record my dreams, it could be helpful, but I may fail horribly and end up putting a curse on myself. Haha no pain no gain, I guess.

Good night people of the internet, I hope you have enjoyed Entry 1 and that I did not make too many spelling errors.
- Doctor Proctor

Monday, April 2, 2012

Hi Again

Hi there. I'm... ah... back.

I'm not sure what to write, honestly. I don't really know how to say about everything that is going on. Maybe I should start at the beginning...

Thuggee and I were the same person all along, it seems. I still can't wrap my head around it completely, but somewhere along the line he... for lack of a better term, possessed my body. I think he may have even been born... inside of me... if that makes any sense. It probably does not, so I'll rephrase that... When I was born, Thuggee was already inside of me. Or at least, that's what I think may have been the case. I'm still not one-hundred percent sure about anything.

When I was a kid, I encountered the Slender Man. Since black outs and memory loss are usually related directly to that monster, I assumed he was to blame for all of the empty patches in my past but as it turns out good old Slender Man was the least of my problems. Thuggee, like a parasite, had gotten inside my mind and was manipulating my actions throughout my life. I guess before I was born, his "gods" selected me as a host for some reason that I will probably never know. Is it weird that even after all of this, the skeptic in me is screaming like a banshee?

After I was born, Thuggee started playing puppet master in my head and replacing real life memories with fake ones that he had devised to keep me under his oppression. It prevented me from ever really catching on to what he was making me do to people... I don't know how many people I have probably murdered. I... I know I had no say in anything that he made me do, but I feel disgusting for having been a tool to do such horrible things to people.

I don't know how he managed it, but somehow he made it so that I only disappeared when nobody would be looking for me. I always vanished without a trace, but nobody ever noticed... Part of me wonders if I was ever really anywhere that I was supposed to be. All of it could of been an illusion, not just impressed on my mind but also on the minds of people I encountered like Shady and Mystery.

I always had an eye for supernatural stuff, though I refused to believe in the supernatural wholeheartedly... It makes more sense to me now, considering that I was really a demon-possessed god-man-thing. Takes a freak to know a freak. After Thuggee attacked the Haven... after I attacked the Haven... Thuggee, he got cocky. He's really cocky... Trust me. He got so cocky that he let his "illusions" slip, and I started having those nightmares that were really just memories I wasn't supposed to remember returning to me. Or... they could have even been the times he walked in my body like it was a new Sunday morning suit.

I started freaking out and then I approached Mystery and... Well, eventually Thuggee caught me looking through the veil and decided to throw me out. I guess I was no longer of use to him now that I knew that I was a puppet, and considering the fact that Mystery and the rest of the DAS were separating... well, he didn't need a spy in the enemy's camp. So he threw me out of my own mind. I don't know how it works, but it happened.

I just kind of became nothing after that. I guess, having been connected to Thuggee for a long time, I had acquired some of his weird unearthly traits, like the ability to drift around as a wandering spirit... It was a weird experience. Don't try it at home, kids.

Eventually, I stumbled upon one of the cats we had at the Mansion and well... I can't remember if it was dead already, dying, or if I just shoved my way in and took over the cat's body, but somehow I ended up being... well, a cat. And that sucked. How long was I stuck as that thing?

Every chance I got, I practiced typing as a cat. It was slow, and painful. I fell off the desk multiple times, I kept getting my hands (Paws, whatever you wanna call them...) stuck in between the buttons, and the constant shedding was... don't get me started. Thinking about it is frustrating enough.

I posted some, and it was really hard to figure out other ways to communicate with Shady. Maybe if I had stayed in the cat's body for a longer time period I could have eventually learned to speak, but considering the fact that I hijacked myself a new body...

Oh right, how could I forget to mention my new body. Shady managed to kill a proxy without doing irreparable damage to its body, and I was able to transfer my spirit into it. Haha... ya, it sounds ridiculous. It was very hard explaining all of this to Shady when I got back. We've been talking a lot, and I've been trying to dump all of the information I have from my recent experiences onto paper so she can read over it in her free time. That way, she doesn't have to deal with my rambling fits... and if Thuggee finds me, she'll have my commentary on the supernatural recorded on paper.

Speaking of which, Thuggee will probably be coming to visit soon. I bet he's really PO'd about the whole "Possessing a cat and surviving until now" thing. He'll want to get rid of me ASAP.

You see, this "being possessed" thing goes both ways. Right before I was rejected from my body, I did a lot of subconscious investigation and found some very interesting things out about the Hand of the Gods. I don't think he'll be very happy to know that I know what he doesn't want anybody to know, and soon Shady and everyone else involved in this hellish conspiracy will know. Then... well, then he'll feel less cocky. Maybe.

I'm trying to fit everything into this one post, but I should probably prioritize. The past couple of days I've been stretching the new body out, getting used to the changes and my new thumbs, as well as writing up information concerning Thuggee and the Gods and Slender Man... Oh, and TheAdvocate.

With Thuggee's influence, I had quite a few of my childhood memories returned to me. Now things make a lot more sense! There are still dark places that the Slender Man stole from me, my teenage years have yet to return to me unfortunately, but preteens and before are back. TheAdvocate, I think I have somethings to discuss with you next time we cross paths. I know we will. I know you've been working as Thuggee's replacement for Dodgy, and even if we didn't have a personal score to settle you'd be coming by to stalk Shady eventually.

TheAdvocate and I, we go way back. As some of you may remember, he killed my family while I was living in a dream world fabricated by the Slender Man. He is also the sicko who attacked me in my home long ago when Shady was on the run from the Executor. Isn't it funny how fate brings people back together?

It's a miracle really. Anyways, like I was saying, I've been really busy since getting this new body and I decided to finally sit down and update this old dead blog for anyone who might care about my life. Since I'll be spending so much of my future time writing, I think I should have time to update the Enigma a little more often. Now that I have more answers, maybe I'll actually get somewhere with my writings!

This body is definitely worn, but I'm unbelievably happy to be human again. I'll be keeping that cat around, though. If I need to hop between the two bodies to keep my spirit from getting devoured by Thuggee, so be it. Plus, who knows when being a cat will come in handy??? Haha.

I've got so many scars on my wrist now... This new body is covered in deep razor wounds. I guess the previous owner was at the edge of his sanity for a long time before he finally just gave in and become a hollowed zombie. I've got a scar shaped like the operator symbol over my heart... I took a shower yesterday and it took me some time before I could actually look at the dumb thing without squinting in pain. With clothing on, however, I'll pass for a normal everyday guy. I'm 5'9" now, shorter than my old body was (The one that Thuggee now claims as his own) and I'm already in pretty good shape so all I have to do is keep working out and I should able to hold my own in a fist fight against a proxy, as long as that proxy isn't 6'4".

It feels weird being human again, but it feels even weirder to be a different human... I'll have to get used to it.

Anyways, I just realized what time it is... I need to sleep. I've got a lot of writing to do tomorrow, and my body is still partially recovering from the beat down Shady gave it. I'll write more soon! I'm super excited to be back.

Sorry if this post left you with more answers than questions,